Friday, August 12, 2011

Belt it Out!

Sabi nila, mahirap pilitin ang isang tao na mahalin ka.. katulad ng musika, hindi ka naman sasabay sa kantang ayaw mo di ba?

Bakit nga ba napapakanta ang isang tao? Nasa tono man o wala? Kasi avid fan tayo nung singer. Kasi maganda sa pandinig ang kanta at madaling sabayan. Kasi nakakaantig ang lyrics o madaling kabisaduhin. O kasi minsan na nating nai-share ang kantang ito sa isang tao. Isang taong malaki ang naging bahagi sa buhay natin. 

Kahit di natin kilala kung sino yung kumanta, wala tayong pakialam. Foreign man o local, babae o lalake yung singer, solo, boyband o banda man, basta nagustuhan natin yung kanta, yung na-LSS ba, walang pwedeng kumontra!
Ang dami kong paboritong kanta. Kanta mula sa mga singer o banda na ngayon ko lang narinig. Mga bagong kanta na di pa napapatugtog sa radyo o MTV pero dahil nakakarelate ka sa lyrics at dahil may isang taong nag-share sa akin nung kantang yun..  instant favorite ko na sya. Parang baliw lang na naka-repeat one lang ang playlist ko at walang malay na unti-unti ko na pala syang nakakabisado. Unti-unting na akong nilulunod ng mga masasayang alaala sa tuwing mapakikinggan ko sya.

Pero paano kung ang paborito kong kanta ay hindi na paborito ng taong gusto ko? Magiging paborito ko pa ba? Kung yung mismong taong nag-introduce at nag-share sa akin ng kantang iyon ay may bago ng paborito? Aanhin ko pa ang repeat one feature sa playlist ko kung hindi ko naman mai-share sa taong yun ang kantang paborito ko. Baka nga burahin ko na lang yung kanta sa playlist ko.

Kung anong sarap ng feeling na may ka-share ka sa isang awitin, ganun din ang pait ng lungkot na mararamdaman sa oras na mawalan ka ng dahilan para pag-alayan ng awit.

Mahirap ng ipilit sa sarili na magustuhan pa yung awiting yun. Pero mahirap din kalimutan. Music never fades. Maaaring mawala na sa sirkulasyon pero hindi sya mawawala kailan man. Pwedeng ipauso ulit, i-revive ng ibang singer, gawing OST sa isang pelikula o telenovela. Wala pa ring lusot. Maaalala mo pa rin.


Ang importante ay naging malaking bahagi ng buhay ko ang musika. Musika na minsan nagdulot sa akin ng kasiyahan, napalitan man ng kalungkutan pero lubha akong pinagtibay sa hamon ng buhay at pag-ibig. Wala namang nagbabawal na sabayan ko pa din ang awit ng buhay ng mag-isa. Baka sa walang humpay kong pagsabay, may maglakas-loob na sabayan ako. Yung di na kailangan pilitin, yung kusang aawit para sa akin.

N.E.N.A.

Never Expect, Never Assume.

Very timely para sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. Because I am the type of person na sobra, as in sobra, mag-expect at mag-assume. Kung meron man i-expect o i-assume, bahala na. Dun ako masaya eh. Masaya sa paggawa ng mumunting mundo kung saan lahat ay posible. Kung saan lahat ay pabor sa akin, sa kagustuhan ko.

Ang masaktan ay natural na. Hinihintay ko na lang kung paano at kung kelan. Kung sobrang sakit o kung kaya pang dalin. Kung makakabangon pa ako o lugmok na naman.

Sarap mag-expect di ba? Lalo na kung sure ball na may i-expect ka talaga? Eh pano kung wala? Eh di wala.. As if may magagawa naman ako para i-expect ang isang bagay na kailan man di ko makukuha.

Ayoko muna isipin yun. Ang saitwasyon ko sa ngayon ang mas importante. Ang mga magagandang nangyayari sa akin. Mga bagay na lumulugar sa kagustuhan ko. Mga moments na kung saan nasasambit kong masarap mabuhay. Masarap ma-in love.

Ano nga mga ba ang mga expectations at assumptions ko? Simple lang. Ang maging masaya sa piling ng mga taong gusto ko at mabuhay na kasama sila. Ang magkaroon ng mga di mabilang na sandali sa piling nila. Yun bang parang wala ng katapusan. Yun bang iisipin mo na lang kung ano pa ang mga bagay na mas higit pang makakapagpasaya sa kanila. Walang problemang kinakaharap.

Saglit lang. Di ba parang sa panaginip lang nangyayari ang ganung set up? Sa pangarap? Napaka-imposible ang mga iniisip ko at wala pa yatang taong nakaka-achieve nun. 

Napaka-komplikado ko talagang tao. Hinahangad ang mga imposible sa buhay. Perfectionist, pwede. Pero madalas magkamali.

Masaya ako. Sa ngayon. Pero bukas, hindi ko masasabi. I am fully aware kung ano ang kahihinatnan ng mga expectations at assumptions ko. Gusto ko lang muna mag-enjoy bago maghirap ang damdamin ko. 

Kelan ko kaya maisasaloob ang mga katagang ito? never expect, never assume.

Hate That I Love You

There it goes.. There it goes again!

If my memory serves me correctly, I have been in this situation before. An awkward situation where I have no choice but to let my feelings out and my voice be heard. Oh, heaven help me! And I have a feeling that it's happening again..

I kept everything that needs to be hidden, known, heard, seen and felt.. For it won't just do me any good. For it would only leave me broken. And hurt.

But this crazy little thing called love didn't mind heeding my request. It even opened my senses and let me experience how good it feels to love and be love again. I won't deny that. But it's like making myself vulnerable to the same feeling that caused me so much pain.

But to love is to experience pain. To get hurt is the result of undying love. And no one has ever showed real love  without getting hurt in return. Pure, unconditional it is and the reward is excruciating pain.. 

Am I ready to take it again? To feel it again? To love, be love and get hurt. If that's what it takes for me to be happy, to feel loved, to enjoy life and to laugh freely, I wouldn't mind.. I'll take and dare to do the challenges. Enough to let that someone special know that I am definitely yearning for his love. That I am deserving of a life long happiness, in his arms.

Let life and love decide for us. If we're really for each other, I will never ever have questions about it. It would definitely bring me so much delight! A life well- lived and well-loved.

But if not, well, I can't do much but accept the fact. Reality hurts. Take it back from where we started. Friends. Best of friends. The process may not be easy and may not be short, but I can still live with that! 

Guess I won't have to think of it for now. Let me enjoy the moment I am spending with you. I care less if it's leading us to nowhere. The thought hasn't even slipped in my mind. I am happy, for now. Until when is one question I can hardly avoid to answer but let it sit for now simply as a thought.

I want to hate myself for letting myself go astray again when I could have prevented it from the start. This is what makes my life so thrilling. The taking of numerous chances and risk, without the idea of what these could bring me after, is my forte. This is what I believe. 


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