Hate That I Love You

There it goes.. There it goes again!

If my memory serves me correctly, I have been in this situation before. An awkward situation where I have no choice but to let my feelings out and my voice be heard. Oh, heaven help me! And I have a feeling that it's happening again..

I kept everything that needs to be hidden, known, heard, seen and felt.. For it won't just do me any good. For it would only leave me broken. And hurt.

But this crazy little thing called love didn't mind heeding my request. It even opened my senses and let me experience how good it feels to love and be love again. I won't deny that. But it's like making myself vulnerable to the same feeling that caused me so much pain.

But to love is to experience pain. To get hurt is the result of undying love. And no one has ever showed real love  without getting hurt in return. Pure, unconditional it is and the reward is excruciating pain.. 

Am I ready to take it again? To feel it again? To love, be love and get hurt. If that's what it takes for me to be happy, to feel loved, to enjoy life and to laugh freely, I wouldn't mind.. I'll take and dare to do the challenges. Enough to let that someone special know that I am definitely yearning for his love. That I am deserving of a life long happiness, in his arms.

Let life and love decide for us. If we're really for each other, I will never ever have questions about it. It would definitely bring me so much delight! A life well- lived and well-loved.

But if not, well, I can't do much but accept the fact. Reality hurts. Take it back from where we started. Friends. Best of friends. The process may not be easy and may not be short, but I can still live with that! 

Guess I won't have to think of it for now. Let me enjoy the moment I am spending with you. I care less if it's leading us to nowhere. The thought hasn't even slipped in my mind. I am happy, for now. Until when is one question I can hardly avoid to answer but let it sit for now simply as a thought.

I want to hate myself for letting myself go astray again when I could have prevented it from the start. This is what makes my life so thrilling. The taking of numerous chances and risk, without the idea of what these could bring me after, is my forte. This is what I believe.